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august 21, 2011

I woke up this morning around 8 with a screaming headache, my personal hell kind of trigger migraine. They’re caused by muscle tension and exacerbated by sinus problems, and I spent all of yesterday with my laptop in bad postural positions that cramped up my back and neck, then a storm system blew in last night and the pressure change wreaked havoc on my sinuses. So I stumbled out of bed, blindly swallowed some Sudafed and Excedrin, and crawled back into bed. Justin was up, and suggested Claritin, brought me water and a pill, and helped me make a nest of pillows to lie on.

When I woke up three hours later my headache was gone. I still have that feeling like it’s following me around — like there’s a headache lurking three inches behind my head, and if I turn too fast it’ll pounce on me — but mostly, I’m okay now.

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And I have this small mental smile about the non-judgemental, cheerful way that Justin reacts to Jenica-in-pain. I’m not pleasant when the world feels too bright and too loud and every movement stabs me somewhere, and I know it. As I listen to myself whine and grumble in those moments there’s a part of my brain that can see it and thinks “stop that!”, but I’m not in full control. The pain is. And he just glides right by the cranky, and helps me. 

There’s a true give and take to that which feels like a gift. Yesterday he made waffles. Today I’ll make enchiladas. Today he helped with my headache. Later I’ll help with his job stuff. We’re sitting the other way, this afternoon — my feet are in his lap, not my head. But regardless, I’m feeling like this comfortable partnership is something to cherish, and be grateful for. It has the same clean, relaxing feeling as waking up after a migraine. A kind of “Oh, yes, that’s how I’m supposed to feel”, and it brings me just as much comfort.

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