insert emoticon here, The Tiniest Capen

Missives from the first trimester, One

From emails I sent during the “it’s a still a secret” phase.

July 8, 2013

So, last night, as I was staring sort of helplessly at the unmade bed, saying, “We never remade the bed and I’m TIRED right now”, Justin started to laugh and said “I like you so much right now” before he retrieved the clean sheets and helped me make the bed. I am, apparently, in my a) exhaustion and b) queasiness, a much nicer human. I replied with a smile, because I knew what he meant. I can’t control any of this. Not how I feel, not what I can and can’t do or deal with, and I shouldn’t even try. So I can only control how I respond, and I’m trying to be pretty zen about it. I feel like crap, but my body’s really busy. I need help and to reset my expectations of myself, and it’s Justin’s responsibility to respond well when I do. Me? I’m gonna read a book, accidentally nap on the cat, do the essential household paperwork, and cook when I feel like it. I can be busy later.

It’s kind of lovely, really. Except for the queasy parts.

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